Jesus Likes to Be Tickled

This weekend, I went back to Nantucket for my nephew's first communion. I couldn't have scripted a better SNL parody of the whole church scandal if I tried. It doesn't retell as well without the visual, but I'll give it my best shot.

The priest invited all the kids to stand in a semi-circle around him, and asked, "What does Jesus look like?" A couple kids gazed at the big crucifix hanging above the priest, but most just stared blankly. The priest then reached for an inch thick stack of pictures, held up the first one and said, "Here's a picture of Jesus. This looks familiar to everyone, right?" The kids nodded. He then handed the picture to the Sunday school teacher, who pinned it up on a cork board. He then started making his way through the stack of 50 pictures. Ten would have made his point, but he plodded through all 50.

"Here's a more modern-looking Jesus..."

"Here's a more classical-looking Jesus..."

"Here's one that's kind of funky looking..."

"Here's one of Jesus with a tattoo. I bet your parents don't like that picture of Jesus!"

He droned on and on, until he got to a few that made our ears perk up.

"Here's one of Jesus giving a little boy a hug. Would YOU like a hug from Jesus?"

"Here's one of Jesus being tickled. Jesus likes being tickeled."

The rest of his sermon continued:

"So last week, I was praying for inspiration about how I was going to show you little boys and girls just what Jesus looked like. God answered my prayers and it came to me. Would you like to see what Jesus REALLY looks like? Ok kids, I keep this one behind the altar, so I'm going to call you up one by one so that you can see what Jesus really looks like."

At this point, the priest retreats to behind the altar, so that you can only see him from the waist up. He takes his secret little package and holds it right below the altar - ie, slightly below his waist... if you see where I'm heading with this. He then calls them up one by one to peak behind the altar and see what Jesus looks like. The first little boy walks up behind the altar, takes a peak at what the priest is holding, kind of chuckles, and then heads back to the semi-circle. He leans over to whisper into the next kid's ear what he saw, and the priest says, "now, now, don't tell!" Another little kid walks up and the priest asks, "do you like what you see?"

My nephew, of course, walks up, takes a look, and says something that nobody can really hear, but then the priest responded in a somewhat incredulous tone, "Yes, I'm serious." Thatta boy, Jack.

It turned out that the priest was holding a mirror. A touching message, perhaps, but how on Earth this guy could have been oblivious to how the whole thing looked and sounded is completely beyond me.

The rest of the weekend, "Jesus likes to be tickled" was an oft-used punchline.

Comments

[Moira]

Makes you kind of wonder if only Jack got a mirror.

[willo]

hahahaa!! "Thatta boy, Jack." LOL